I am yet to meet a womxn who doesn't have a story

"Womxn are not born tired, angry and filled with fear, but living in a patriarchal/ male dominated society will do that to you."

I am yet to meet a womxn who doesn't have a story. 

I am yet to meet a womxn who has just one. 

When I was eight years old I was molested by a friend's father. 

(I didn't tell a soul. I didn't want to hurt my friend.)

When I was 12 years old I was molested by an older cousin. 

(I "told" my diary. I didn't want to hurt my family.)

When I was 13 years old I was molested by (the same) older cousin. 

(I told my family. He denied everything.)

When I was 15 years old a classmate grabbed me from behind. 

(I told my teacher: "At least he didn't grab you from the front," was his only response.)

When I was 22 years old a man asked me for directions, only to flash his erect penis and dash off. 

(I told campus security. But I couldn't recall the make of the car or the vehicle's registration number. I felt incompetent.)

When I was 26 years old a man chose to sit opposite me in a relatively empty train and started masturbating. 

(I told a police officer who was patrolling the carriages. He was incompetent.)

When I was 28 years old a stranger grabbed my butt in broad daylight. 

(I turned around and slapped him. There was a group of men close by, but they weren't concerned about my wellbeing: "Why are you overacting? He was just appreciating your beauty!" one of them shouted.) 

I am yet to meet a womxn who doesn't have a story. 

I am yet to meet a womxn who has just one. 

Earlier this year I was invited to speak at a Cape Town school's Sisterhood Day. I asked the students (grade 10-12) to stand up and answer a few yes-no questions. To indicate "yes" they simply had to take a step forward. 

1. Have you ever been catcalled? 

2. Have you ever been touched against your will? 

3. Have you ever felt unsafe in the presence of a man? 

After asking each question, I took a step forward, they took a step forward, we took a step forward: A resounding YES! 

#AMINEXT isn't just a trendy hashtag. South Africa's #MeToo moment is finally here. Social media is being used as a tool to not only organise protests and "out" perpetrators, but it also serves as a platform to share and learn about gender-based violence. 

Multiple stories of womxn, children and gender non-conforming individuals being raped, kidnapped and killed make news headlines each week. What's more, many cases are never reported. Victims are often treated like they are the perpetrators by society and our legal system. 

I am yet to meet a womxn who doesn't have a story. 

I am yet to meet a womxn who has just one. 

Yet, if you ask a man if he knows a sexual predator you'll probably be met by silence or #NOTALLMEN. 

I am tired. We are tired. Womxn are not born tired, angry and filled with fear, but living in a patriarchal/ male dominated society will do that to you. 

Let's never forget their names. Let's never forget their stories. 

Courtney Pieters. She was only three years old. 

Leighandre Jegels. She was a boxing champion. 

Meghan Cremer. She loved horses. 

Uyinene Mrwetyana. She played the saxophone and started a revolution.  

Enough is enough! 

Sherlin Barends is a Kfm radio presenter, feminist and freelance writer with a BA honors in journalism from Stellenbosch University. 

Connect with her on social media: 

Facebook: Sherlin Barends

Instagram: @sherlinbarends

Twitter: @sherlin_barends